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- July 21st, 2006, 03:19 AM #1
Actual writings in an Mpumalanga Hospital (South Africa) Register:
1. The patient refused autopsy.
2. The patient has no previous history of suicides..
3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
4. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
5. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night..
6. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
7. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.
8. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
9. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
10. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.
11. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentlly alert but forgetful.
12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
13. She is numb from her toes down.
14. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
15. The skin was moist and dry.
16. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
17. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
18. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
19. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.
20. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
21. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
22. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
23. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
24. Skin: somewhat pale but present.
25. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
26. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
27. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalitiesJuly 21st, 2006, 04:21 AM #2
Hahahaha, I love that stuff. #laughOctober 3rd, 2007, 09:50 PM #3
28. The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut, and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.
29. The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.
30. When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.
31. Examination reveals a well-developed male lying in bed with his family in no distress.
32. I have suggested that he loosen his pants before standing, and then, when he stands with the help of his wife, they should fall to the floor.
33. The patient expired on the floor uneventfully.
34. She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.
35. By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling much better.
36. The patient is a 79-year-old widow who no longer lives with her husband.
37. The patient left the hospital feeling much better except for her original complaints.JUST LIVE OR DIE TRYING!October 3rd, 2007, 10:36 PM #4
- Member Since
- May 2006
- 12 times
Hilarious stuff ! #rofl
who says medicine is just too tough and boring... ?? Shoot him/her #laugh kidding ..
Plan ahead, it wasnt raining when Noah built the Ark!October 4th, 2007, 07:16 PM #5
actually its a jolly doctors community................#laugh
medicine is #wink ........wat else can i sayOctober 4th, 2007, 08:17 PM #6October 4th, 2007, 11:00 PM #7
October 5th, 2007, 05:00 AM #8
- Member Since
- May 2006
- 12 times
i make the best threads...if i must say so myself"Are you allergic to our mascara??? But its sooo pretty!" -saira 03.06.07
"I make the best threads...if i must say so myself "-me 10.05.07
"The average girl would rather have beauty than brains because she knows that the average man can see much better than he can think" Exley 1993
October 5th, 2007, 05:03 AM #9
that's some funny stuff---well done guysMedGrunt signing out...
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